Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
