Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
