I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
