I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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