at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
