were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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