Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
