also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
