This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
