We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
