i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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