No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
