I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
