I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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