i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
