she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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