we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
