This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
