Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
