Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
