Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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