I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
