i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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