She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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