she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
