I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
