No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
