we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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