I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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