I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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