is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
