I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
