just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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