Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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