hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
