he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
