apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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