to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
