dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
