every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
