The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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