im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
