My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
