how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
