I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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