We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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