the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
