i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
