I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
