You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
