yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They are going to name an STD after you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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